Rude Graffiti

I can’t believe it’s been almost 5 weeks now since I’ve last posted!  My bad!  This last month has been insanely busy though.  I’ve found 2 part time jobs, turned down 2 other jobs, ran the Chicago Marathon, watched my bro in law get married, and did a bunch of other stuff that’s too boring to mention.  I’ve been intending to blog more since my departure at Salt and Light.  Major change sometimes brings out the desire in me to make small change happen as well.  So much for that goal!

So I was out running this morning.  Nothing unusual there.  Except my asthma was getting the best of me.  So I walked more than I ran.  I was pissed because I wanted to get 5 miles in, and realized I wasn’t going to hit my goal.  Then my thoughts turned to my running goals for the year.  Major goal was to get 2,000 miles in.  Secondary goal was 1,750.  I’ve realized more and more that chances are good I will hit neither of those goals.  I’m at about 1,450 miles for the year so far, by far the most I’ve ever put in during a 12 month period.  Nothing to sneeze at that’s for sure.  But I began to get a little upset, discouraged, down, etc.  And I began to wonder……….

How often do I set goals on the wrong things?

I know, I know.  Most “successful” people will tell you that if you want to “succeed in life” (whatever that means) you’ve got to set goals.  I agree with that.  But what if God didn’t intend for us to “succeed in life”?  Seriously.  How much time and effort do I put into things like running, finances, work?  How much time and effort do I put into building the Kingdom of God?

HOW MUCH TIME AND EFFORT DO I PUT INTO BUILDING THE KINGDOM OF GOD? 

I think it’s all one big smoke screen from Satan.  Whether or not we reach our goals, we become obsessed with them.  If we fail to reach them, we continue to try and tweak until we do.  If we do reach our goals, we constantly set our sights higher, all the while continuing to focus on anything but what truly matters, seeing humanity grow to love Christ!

I know in order to live we must work.  And I think it’s a great witness to others to be the best employee one can be.  I’m not suggesting we loosen the grip on our personal and professional goals.  What I am suggesting is that we step it up in the areas that TRULY matter.  What are you doing for Christ today?  How are you changing someone’s life?  Today it could mean lending a listening ear, tomorrow verbally sharing your love for Christ with someone.  Next week could mean helping someone out financially.  I need to refocus my efforts.  What about you?

Anyone ever reach for your Bible, knowing you desperately need to hear

something

from God, and yet fully expecting to hear the silence that’s plagued you lately?  That was me this morning.  It’s been tough reading my Bible lately.  I’ve done it sparingly.  I’m not sure why, but it seems we all fall into ruts like this from time to time, and then wonder why things seem off, wonder why we struggle, wonder why we feel down with no end in sight.

Last night I pinpointed some spiritual attacks I’ve been feeling lately.  I was finally able to put a finger  on what specifically it was, and noticed a spirit of shame at the core.  I’ve been feeling lots of shame and embarassment lately.  I remember reading on this topic by John Eldredge, and some things came to mind to combat these feelings.  I was so exhausted I didn’t even bother trying those.  I just gave in.

I decided to make an agreement and allow myself to feel shame and embarassment.  It was a miserable night to say the least.

So, this morning I made a desperate attempt and turned to my Bible, fully expecting the silence I’ve come to know as reality.  I began by reading something that’s had my attention lately, John 4:23-24 out of The Message.  That was good, and I stayed with that for a few minutes.  All of a sudden, God brought to mind Romans 8:1.  I looked that up, and read through the entire chapted suddenly feeling energized.  I began to pray against these spirits of shame and embarassment.  At first, that’s all I felt. 

SHAME.

EMBARASSMENT.

But, as I reached out to a few key friends, and continued praying, that fog began to lift. 

I unexpectedly heard from God today.  Is this battle with shame and embarassment over?  Sadly no.  I feel it creeping at every corner, waiting for an opportune time to strike.  But it was dealt a mighty blow today, all because I was willing to give God one last shot, despite what I felt.

And that’s all God really asks of us I think.  All He wants is for us to give Him a shot, a chance.  He does love coming through for us doesn’t He?  That always happens in various ways and timing.  For some, they don’t see relief until the very end, when they enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  For others, we see relief immediately.  But God always delivers.  All He needs is a chance to deliver unexpected results.

Will

You

Give

Him

That

Chance

Today?

 (Written on Sunday, August 29, 2010)

This evening found me once again outside sitting by the fire once the girls were in bed.  The sky was absolutely clear, and being so far away from civilization, the stars were in an amazing display that only God could conjure up!  They were brilliant, magnificent, stunning; you get the point.  As is normally the case on nights like this, my thoughts turned towards catching a shooting star.  I’ve developed my own theories regarding how to do this over the years.
Basically, I’ve found it much easier to see a shooting star if I simply gaze up at the sky in general.  I used to dart back and forth hoping to catch something, and was never able to allow my eyes to focus.  So, eventually I tried almost moving my “zoom” out quite a bit, and just tried to take in the beauty of the entire sky.  Once I did that, I began to notice shooting stars all the time!

Sometimes I wonder if it’s the same way when we try to figure out life’s most challenging issues in our lives.  We can put so much intense pressure on ourselves to figure out stuff, and it never happens because our gaze is to narrow.  However, it seems many times that once we step back, and widen our gaze, that God hits us with a “shooting star”. 

I’m not saying this is some scientifically proven method, just how things seem to have worked in my life.  At first, I didn’t see anything tonight.  Then, I took out the 4-wheeler and drove into some fields, turned the lights off, and just gazed up at the sky.  And you know what?  Not only did I catch my shooting star, but I found some answers to life’s questions as well.

 (Written on Saturday, August 28, 2010)

So I’m sitting here, having just put my two daughters to bed.  I’m going over the day in my head, and have come to the realization that it has not been one of my better ones. 

We

All

Have

Bad

Days.

We do.  It’s a part of life.  No parent/spouse is perfect.  Some try harder than others.  There are few things I desire more in life than to be an amazing, top-notch husband and father.  I take great pride in the care I give to my wife and daughters.  And yet, my heart is heavy tonight because I know I did not bring my A-game today.

Yes, we all have bad days.  Today was one of those days that even when I apologized to my almost 5 year old and 2 ½ year old, it hardly seemed enough.  I was short with them.  I yelled at them.  I lost my temper.  I made them cry.  I was short with my wife.  I was unfair to her. 

I

Took

Stress

Out

On

A

Lot

Of

People

Today.

It sucks when I do that.  I know I’ve done damage to my children that I may not be able to repair.  The thought that I’m a perfect parent is hilarious; I know my shortcomings.  However, I hate to treat those I love less than they deserve.  And my family is AMAZING!  They deserve so much better than I gave them today. 

And I find myself, in the midst of thinking through this, drawn back to John 4:23-24 out of The Message.  After posting this a day or two ago I came across it in two different books, bringing me to the conclusion that maybe God is trying to show me something.  (Ya think?!) 

These verses tell us that the Father is looking for “those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship”.  That word “honestly” keeps catching my attention.  Tonight, I find myself drawn to God, despite the day I’ve had.  I want to crawl up in his lap, cry my heart out and tell Him how awful I’ve been.  I want to simply have Him hold me, while He lets me air out my dirty laundry.  Then, when I’m done, I want Him to tell me He forgives me and that He loves me so much.  I don’t want to feel that it’s ok.  I want to feel that He loves me in spite of what I’ve done.  And I want to worship and sit at His feet for awhile. 

So, I think that’s what I’m gonna do right now.  I’m gonna go outside, sit by a fire at a place called Legwood, and marvel at God, in His presence.  I’m gonna let Him heal me of all my sins.  I’m gonna worship Him because I’m not perfect, and I’m in need of a perfect Savior.  I’m gonna simply and honestly be myself before Him.  Because after the day I’ve had, that’s all I have left to offer.  Thank God He will accept me.

Sometimes God’s word is all that needs to be shared.

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God.  Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth.  That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.  God is sheer being itself-Spirit.  Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”