Here are the major players over the coming weeks and months of 2011 as far as my running goes. The top shoe is some Nike Free’s. I’ve had these for about a year and a half, and am just beginning to put some mileage on them on a regular basis, mainly in an effort to prolong the life of my other running shoes. They are amazingly comfortable, and ideal for runs under 8 miles. Anything more than that and I really feel it the next day.

Next up are the Brooks Ravenna. These are the exact same shoes I wore during the Comrades Marathon in South Africa last year. I’d love for them to last forever because they have such memories attached to them. I may do something special with them when I finally retire them, not sure what yet though. I’m definitely open to ideas and suggestions. I still have to do something with many things that I have from my trip to South Africa. What an amazing adventure that was, and I wish I could go back with the team this year. Maybe one day…..

This next shoe is what I’m more excited about. The New Balance MT 101 are my new trail shoes! They are amazingly lightweight, while comfortable at the same time. I love the look and feel of these shoes, and in fact did a 5 miler this afternoon in them. They worked just fine on the roads, but I’m really looking forward to putting them to good use out on the trails. And at $65 on www.runningwarehouse.com you can’t go wrong! Probably a month and a half ago I came across an ultrarunner named Anton Krupicka. For some reason I had never heard of him, even though I’ve been into ultras for the past 2 years or so. After visiting his blog (antonkrupicka.blogspot.com), and realizing he is sponsored by New Balance, I began to check out their products. They’ve got some great things coming out this spring that I’m super pumped about, and hope to maybe add to my collection. In the meantime, there are my new favorite shoes.

The fourth and final shoe is the Nike Lunarswift. I got this shoe for two reasons. First of all they were extremely comfortable. Second, I’d say one of my strengths is that I’m able to run in almost any brand and type of shoe out there. Most people cannot say this. So, instead of being stuck with one type of shoe that works for me, I can adapt to anything on the market. So, I switch from time to time just to keep that ability, and maybe give my feet a little something different.

At this point in time, I’m still working on my running goals for 2011. A lot that is keeping me from doing that is my schedule and finances. I recently quite a job I held for 6 years and picked up 2 part time jobs. We’ve taken quite a cut in pay. I am much happier now though, and the loss in pay has been well worth it. We’ve cut back where we can, and that doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for extras. So, whatever races I end up doing this year will more than likely be local, unless we win the lottery (and we don’t play the lottery, so you figure it out). That’s cool though, because as I learned from my trip to South Africa, just being able to run and have running gear, let alone everything we need is a huge blessing. So no sweat off my back. I plan on doing a couple of shorter trail races, and would love to compete in the Howl at the Moon 8 hour trail ultra in Danville, IL once again this year. Last year I got 30 miles in 7 hours, but quit after that because of an injury. I’d love to do the entire 8 hours this year, and shoot for 45-50 miles. That definitely gives me something to shoot for. Maybe in 2012 I can travel and do either the Grand Island Trail Marathon or Dances with Dirt Trail Race somewhere.

So, that’s it for me. What are your plans for 2011? Doesn’t have to be about running, I’m just curious to hear what other people have planned.

“You can’t worship two gods at once.  Loving one god, you’ll end up hating the other.  Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other.  You can’t worship God and Money both.  If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion.  There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body.  Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God.  And you count far more to him than birds.  Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch?  All this time and money wasted on fashion–do you think it makes that much difference?  Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers.  They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it?  The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.  If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers–most of which are never even seen–don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?  What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving.  People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.  Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provision.  Don’t worry about missing out.  You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

I’ve realized this morning I need to relax.  I want my mind to be focused on glorifying God with my actions, words, thoughts, etc.  No longer do I want my mind controlled by worrying and stressing about my needs, with getting.  I want to leave that in God’s hands, and respond appropriately when He gives out of His abundance!  Getting to this place is proving very difficult today.  Satan is really attacking.  Come Holy Spirit; help me to keep things in perspective.  Help me to remember Your goodness today.  Bring these verses to mind over and over  again.  Thank you for your presence!

I read this tonight and it was like it stabbed me straight through the heart.  I mean, when was the last time I allowed my life to point to Christ?  Sure, maybe there have been little pieces here and there.  But by and large, I’ve been more concerned about myself than I have been about God being glorified.

“Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.  Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.  Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it’s okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.  Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.  They declare our tendency to forget that we’ve been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won’t be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God’s strength, our problems are small, indeed.”  -Francis Chan, Crazy Love, pg. 42

This too, got my attention.  How much have I worried or stressed this past year, month, week, day, evening?  I mean, really, as much time as I’ve put into my life, you’d think the existence of Earth and everything on it was all about me!  And yet……..

As Chan goes on to write in chapter 2, we find throughout the Bible and life in general that it’s all about God.  We come and go; our lives but a vapor in the entirety known as time.  I was reminded this past weekend at church that Matthew 6 tells us that worrying does not add a single moment to our lives.  In other words, worry has never made any situation better.  In fact, we are promised in verse 33 that if we allow our lives to point to God (Seek the Kingdom of God above all else) He will provide what we need.  So the only question remaining is,

“Why don’t I trust Him?”

I mean, what’s it going to take?  When will my life point to Christ more than it does to me?  Lately I have made a focused effort not to worry and stress, but to simply present my requests to God, and then thank Him for all He’s done in my life.  and you know what?  I’ve noticed myself feeling much more peaceful, and positive as of late.  Now, the worry and stress have still been a struggle, and has shown me how I’ve allowed these bad habits to run rampant in my life.

The bottom line is that life has always been about God, and always will be.  When I take my focus off of Him and put it on my trials and troubles, I elevate those things above God in my life.  This is neither glorifying to Him, nor beneficial to me.  So, hopefully, today my life points a little more towards Christ than it did yesterday.  And tomorrow, it points a little more towards Christ than it did today.  And so on.

It’s been an up and down week for me.  The first part of the week did not start out so well.  Some unmentionable circumstances have really put us in a bit of a bind, and I had some moments of weakness and panic.  And then, a few days later, something special happened.  I was reminded of Peter when he walked on water to Jesus.  The moment he took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on the waves, he began to sink.  Well, the moment I began to take my eyes off of my circumstances, and placed them instead on God, I immediately began to feel a sense of peace and calm wash over me.  God’s goodness, His perfect-ness, everything that He is, made whatever my problems were before fade to dust.  I mean, they’re still there, but how could I think about them when I was so wrapped up in how amazing my Father is?  SERIOUSLY!  God’s goodness is so much more powerful, energizing, FULFILLING, than any problem I’ve ever encountered in my life!  And yet, when I take my eyes off Him and focus on the issues at hand, I so easily forget that.  So, this morning, as I was thinking about this shift in thinking this week, my thoughts drifted to the two children we sponsor through World Vision, one of whom I met in person this summer.

Asiimwe.

Nomonde.

My struggles, my circumstances pale in comparison.  They would laugh at what I call a problem, stress, a concern.  I’ve seen Nomonde’s living conditions personally, and how easily I’ve forgotten what life is like for her.  I’ve taken my eyes off of what is truly important, God, and placed them on material idols.  I know this is the weekend before Thanksgiving, and it sounds so cliche to say I’m thankful for blah, blah, blah.  However, it is good to visit regularly the practice of giving thanks.  Instead of being thankful for material things this year, I think I will focus on more important matters.  I’m thankful for a wonderful family who loves me.  I’m thankful for the tremendous friendships I’ve developed over the years.  And I’m thankful for the opportunity to show God’s love to two young girls in Africa through World Vision.  I’m thankful for the opportunity to not only help them out, but that I got to visit Nomonde, I got to spend time with her, hug her, tell her I love her, and see firsthand how happy she is despite having very little.  I’m thankful that while I thought I was doing so much for these two children, I was being taught so many wondeful things.  I’m thankful I was able to take my eyes off of circumstances this week, and place them back where they belong……………on the love of my life, Jesus Christ.

“Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life.  Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them-living and breathing God!  Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.  Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God.  Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God.  That person ignores who God is and what he is doing.  And God isn’t pleased at being ignored.”

What truly caught me here, almost literally taking my breath away, was smack dab in the middle, “Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God.“  I think sometimes I want to feel like I’ve contributed something to the wonderful gift God has given me in a deeply personal, everlasting relationship with Him.  Because of this flaw, I attempt too many things in my own power, failing to allow God to do His thing.  In essence, I act as if what Jesus did for us on the cross and in His life isn’t quite enough.  The humorous thing is that I act this way and then wonder what’s wrong when life doesn’t always work out as planned.  The other portion of these verses that really grabbed my heart was, “Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God………and God isn’t pleased at being ignored.“  GULP!  All God wants is our trust, 100% of it!  Being self aware is great, and it’s good to do our part, but I think that all too often when I work to do my part I unintentionally remove God from the equation, thus turning away from the very help that God desires to provide.  I want more of God’s power in my life.  I want more of God’s love in my life.  I want more of God in my life period!  If that is to happen, I MUST learn to focus more on God and less on myself.  I must give Him room to show His power in my life, not limit it.  Will you help hold me accountable to this?  My desire is that my life would shout God all over the place, that things would happen with incredible regularity that are only explained by the Father being active in my life.  I need more of Him and less of me.  What about you?

So I was out running this morning.  Nothing unusual there.  Except my asthma was getting the best of me.  So I walked more than I ran.  I was pissed because I wanted to get 5 miles in, and realized I wasn’t going to hit my goal.  Then my thoughts turned to my running goals for the year.  Major goal was to get 2,000 miles in.  Secondary goal was 1,750.  I’ve realized more and more that chances are good I will hit neither of those goals.  I’m at about 1,450 miles for the year so far, by far the most I’ve ever put in during a 12 month period.  Nothing to sneeze at that’s for sure.  But I began to get a little upset, discouraged, down, etc.  And I began to wonder……….

How often do I set goals on the wrong things?

I know, I know.  Most “successful” people will tell you that if you want to “succeed in life” (whatever that means) you’ve got to set goals.  I agree with that.  But what if God didn’t intend for us to “succeed in life”?  Seriously.  How much time and effort do I put into things like running, finances, work?  How much time and effort do I put into building the Kingdom of God?

HOW MUCH TIME AND EFFORT DO I PUT INTO BUILDING THE KINGDOM OF GOD? 

I think it’s all one big smoke screen from Satan.  Whether or not we reach our goals, we become obsessed with them.  If we fail to reach them, we continue to try and tweak until we do.  If we do reach our goals, we constantly set our sights higher, all the while continuing to focus on anything but what truly matters, seeing humanity grow to love Christ!

I know in order to live we must work.  And I think it’s a great witness to others to be the best employee one can be.  I’m not suggesting we loosen the grip on our personal and professional goals.  What I am suggesting is that we step it up in the areas that TRULY matter.  What are you doing for Christ today?  How are you changing someone’s life?  Today it could mean lending a listening ear, tomorrow verbally sharing your love for Christ with someone.  Next week could mean helping someone out financially.  I need to refocus my efforts.  What about you?

something

from God, and yet fully expecting to hear the silence that’s plagued you lately?  That was me this morning.  It’s been tough reading my Bible lately.  I’ve done it sparingly.  I’m not sure why, but it seems we all fall into ruts like this from time to time, and then wonder why things seem off, wonder why we struggle, wonder why we feel down with no end in sight.

Last night I pinpointed some spiritual attacks I’ve been feeling lately.  I was finally able to put a finger  on what specifically it was, and noticed a spirit of shame at the core.  I’ve been feeling lots of shame and embarassment lately.  I remember reading on this topic by John Eldredge, and some things came to mind to combat these feelings.  I was so exhausted I didn’t even bother trying those.  I just gave in.

I decided to make an agreement and allow myself to feel shame and embarassment.  It was a miserable night to say the least.

So, this morning I made a desperate attempt and turned to my Bible, fully expecting the silence I’ve come to know as reality.  I began by reading something that’s had my attention lately, John 4:23-24 out of The Message.  That was good, and I stayed with that for a few minutes.  All of a sudden, God brought to mind Romans 8:1.  I looked that up, and read through the entire chapted suddenly feeling energized.  I began to pray against these spirits of shame and embarassment.  At first, that’s all I felt. 

SHAME.

EMBARASSMENT.

But, as I reached out to a few key friends, and continued praying, that fog began to lift. 

I unexpectedly heard from God today.  Is this battle with shame and embarassment over?  Sadly no.  I feel it creeping at every corner, waiting for an opportune time to strike.  But it was dealt a mighty blow today, all because I was willing to give God one last shot, despite what I felt.

And that’s all God really asks of us I think.  All He wants is for us to give Him a shot, a chance.  He does love coming through for us doesn’t He?  That always happens in various ways and timing.  For some, they don’t see relief until the very end, when they enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  For others, we see relief immediately.  But God always delivers.  All He needs is a chance to deliver unexpected results.

Will

You

Give

Him

That

Chance

Today?

This evening found me once again outside sitting by the fire once the girls were in bed.  The sky was absolutely clear, and being so far away from civilization, the stars were in an amazing display that only God could conjure up!  They were brilliant, magnificent, stunning; you get the point.  As is normally the case on nights like this, my thoughts turned towards catching a shooting star.  I’ve developed my own theories regarding how to do this over the years.
Basically, I’ve found it much easier to see a shooting star if I simply gaze up at the sky in general.  I used to dart back and forth hoping to catch something, and was never able to allow my eyes to focus.  So, eventually I tried almost moving my “zoom” out quite a bit, and just tried to take in the beauty of the entire sky.  Once I did that, I began to notice shooting stars all the time!

Sometimes I wonder if it’s the same way when we try to figure out life’s most challenging issues in our lives.  We can put so much intense pressure on ourselves to figure out stuff, and it never happens because our gaze is to narrow.  However, it seems many times that once we step back, and widen our gaze, that God hits us with a “shooting star”. 

I’m not saying this is some scientifically proven method, just how things seem to have worked in my life.  At first, I didn’t see anything tonight.  Then, I took out the 4-wheeler and drove into some fields, turned the lights off, and just gazed up at the sky.  And you know what?  Not only did I catch my shooting star, but I found some answers to life’s questions as well.

So I’m sitting here, having just put my two daughters to bed.  I’m going over the day in my head, and have come to the realization that it has not been one of my better ones. 

We

All

Have

Bad

Days.

We do.  It’s a part of life.  No parent/spouse is perfect.  Some try harder than others.  There are few things I desire more in life than to be an amazing, top-notch husband and father.  I take great pride in the care I give to my wife and daughters.  And yet, my heart is heavy tonight because I know I did not bring my A-game today.

Yes, we all have bad days.  Today was one of those days that even when I apologized to my almost 5 year old and 2 ½ year old, it hardly seemed enough.  I was short with them.  I yelled at them.  I lost my temper.  I made them cry.  I was short with my wife.  I was unfair to her. 

I

Took

Stress

Out

On

A

Lot

Of

People

Today.

It sucks when I do that.  I know I’ve done damage to my children that I may not be able to repair.  The thought that I’m a perfect parent is hilarious; I know my shortcomings.  However, I hate to treat those I love less than they deserve.  And my family is AMAZING!  They deserve so much better than I gave them today. 

And I find myself, in the midst of thinking through this, drawn back to John 4:23-24 out of The Message.  After posting this a day or two ago I came across it in two different books, bringing me to the conclusion that maybe God is trying to show me something.  (Ya think?!) 

These verses tell us that the Father is looking for “those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship”.  That word “honestly” keeps catching my attention.  Tonight, I find myself drawn to God, despite the day I’ve had.  I want to crawl up in his lap, cry my heart out and tell Him how awful I’ve been.  I want to simply have Him hold me, while He lets me air out my dirty laundry.  Then, when I’m done, I want Him to tell me He forgives me and that He loves me so much.  I don’t want to feel that it’s ok.  I want to feel that He loves me in spite of what I’ve done.  And I want to worship and sit at His feet for awhile. 

So, I think that’s what I’m gonna do right now.  I’m gonna go outside, sit by a fire at a place called Legwood, and marvel at God, in His presence.  I’m gonna let Him heal me of all my sins.  I’m gonna worship Him because I’m not perfect, and I’m in need of a perfect Savior.  I’m gonna simply and honestly be myself before Him.  Because after the day I’ve had, that’s all I have left to offer.  Thank God He will accept me.

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God.  Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth.  That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.  God is sheer being itself-Spirit.  Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”